Alarm clock rings.
Dad: well well look who finally showed up
James: Hi dad
(Dad walks towards james and gives him a noogie)
(scene changes to the lounge room near the fireplace)
Dad: Well, I was thinking that you were showing some responsibility. It was time you got a phone.
(James turns head to dad immediately when his dad says that) James: Whoa really dad!
Dad: yep
(dad passes present to james)
(james opens box)
(reads the packaging) James mumbles: Nokia phone
James out loud: you.got.me.a.nokia.phone
Dad staring in coffee: (in cheerful voice) It's the newest one on the market
JAmes: you mean the newest brick
Letters show up on screen THE NEXT DAY.
Scene changes to James' room.
James: why the heck did he get me a dumb nokia phone.
(james gets idea)
James: I know If I destroy the phone he will be forced to buy me a new phone!!! I just need some help…
James walks towards the old dial phone.
James: Hey bob, nadija, patrick meet my house at 1.
James standing out the front of the house: where are they?
Patrick: eyyy what up James.
James: hi patrick.
Narrator: after what seems like forever James finally rounded up all his friends in a five pointed star
James: Alright, I've got an announcement to make.
Patrick puts up his hand: you don't have head lice anymore?
James: no…..
Bob: you finally permanently deleted those embarrassing photos of you wetting your pants while throwing up?
James: No….
Nadija: You beat level one of cucamelons playground?
James: I've told you a million times I am on level 2 now!!
Nadija: ……
James: I got a nokia phone
(NADIJA BOB AND PATRICK GASP)
James: So I need your help to destroy my Nokia phone.
(James picks up nokia phone and throws it on the ground)
Bob: well it should at least have a crack in the screen
(Nadija picks up the phone)
Nadija: weird, not a scratch nor a crack.
James: Wait, really?!?!?
Bob: Maybe if we step on it it'll break.
(bob lifts up his foot and slams foot on the phone)
(noise bones cracking)
(Bob screaming in pain)
(James Goes to pick up phone to inspect the damage)
James, shocked : It doesn't even have a scratch!
Bob whimpering : That stupid smelly phone sprained my god damn ankle!!
NAdija: how can a phone smell and also a phone is smart
Patrick: Well maybe we need to give it a beating like our parents used to do when we misbehaved?
Nadija shrugging: well I guess we could give it a try.
James Puts wig on (in girl voice): You've been very naughty!!! (Smacks the phone)
Nadija takes belt off: You won't get away with this Jeffrey!!
(Smacks the phone in the face)
Bob Still on the floor whining: wait you gave the phone a name.
Ndija: Well we are smacking it so it seems practical.
Everybody except bob: DIE JEFFREY, YOU'VE BEEN A VERY NAUGHTY BOY.
Narrator: after several hours of this everybody except bob (who was still on the floor whining) got very tired.
PAtrick: (panting) maybe we should smash it with a hammer.
James: yeah yeah I don't care just as long as we destroy it
(Nadija picks up hammer)
Nadija: I exile you to HECK!!!!!
(nadija smashes phone with hammer)
(The top of the hammer flings over to bob)
Bob lifts up head: Is it wunchti-
(camera pans to a tree)
Bob Screams
(noise birds flapping away)
Patrick: Yo bob
PAtrick slaps bob: YO BOB!!!
Nadija: meh he’s out cold.
James: great, now my dads hammer’s broken and I can’t destroy the s nokia phone.
PAtrick: Hey, maybe we should go to Bunnings to get a new hammer, jackhammer and a 9 inch buzzsaw.
Nadija pointed to bob: what should we do about him?
Patrick: ….
James: meh leave him be, he’s had a rough day today.
Patrick: of whinging
Nadija giggles
The scene changes to Bunnings.
James walking down the aisle: so what aisle should we look in?
Patrick turns around: the coffee aisle.
James: Wait, really the coffee aisle?
Patrick leans on a shelf: dude i've been to bunnings before you don't need to doubt me.
Shelf falls down on two old ladies.
Old woman 1: oh my spleen!!!
Old woman 2: my eye just popped out !!
Nadija yelling : Just regrow them or something
OLd lady 1: we are not salamanders you whippersnapper!!
Scene changes to bunnings counter.
Cash person: what do you want?
PAtrick: I would like to purchase a hammer, jackhammer and a 9 inch buzzsaw.
Cash person: Listen kid, I don’t think I am allowed to sell you dangerous stuff. But let me speak with my manager.
Patrick: Let's make a run for it.
James: agreed.
Scene changes to inside james house.
Dad: Well now that it's quiet I am going to take a nappy wappy.
SCene changes to in front of James' house.
JAmes: Is the jackhammer plugged in?
Nadija: check
James: Is the Nokia phone in place?
Patrick: check.
James smiling: well what are we waiting for ?
James: Let it rip!!!
Nadija presses the button on the jackhammer.
Jackhammer bounces up towards bob.
Bob mumbling: mummy for a thousand times my diaper doesn't need to be changed it needed to be changed 2 minutes ago
PAtrick: nothing good will come out of this.
Bob screaming: MY OTHER FOOTSIE!!!!!
Nadija: welp, I guess we have front row seats to his suffering
James shrugging: Meh, I guess you're right.
Patrick Picks up phone: hey guys There’s a tiny scratch on the screen!!!
James: seriously?
Patrick excitedly: no…it's just a dead fly
James goes up to Patrick and slaps him.
Patrick rubbing his face: Hey!! Why’d you do that for you fat ugly disgusting ungrateful person.
Nadija: Wait a second…. I've got an idea!
Camera changes to the airport.
James: Nadija tell me why I let you talk me into shoving my phone into the jet turbine?
Nadija rolling his eyes: because it'll break your phone
James: Oh yea
Patrick: So are we gonna shove the nokia into the jet turbine?
Nadija: We sure are!!!!
James walking up to the aeroplane
Shoves the nokia into the jet turbine
Runs toward friends.
James: phew
Scene changes to inside plane
Pilot: we are ready for liftoff.
Pilot 2: uhh scanners indicate that there is something inside the jet turbine.
Pilot: Well it'll blow out.
Pilot 2: well that's not entirely tr-
Pilot: liftoff!!
Scene changes to the runway.
Patrick: Well there she goes.
James shakes nadijas hand.
Airplane blows up.
Phone flies through the air and lands on bobs face
Bon: finally I have recovered
Bob: arrggghhhh
PAtrick: maybe we should try something else
James: I've got an idea
Scene changes to junkyard cabin.
Junkyard guy: Listen kids, for the millionth time you cannot use the car crusher crane its way too dangerous!
Patrick: sooo is that a yes?
Junkyard guy pushes all the kids out of the cabin
JAmes: Rats we need to figure up a new plan
Nadija: Wait, I've got an idea.
Patrick: …..
Time changes to night
Scene changes to the cabin
Nadija lands on the cabin floor with a thump
Junkyard guy mumbling : yes mummy I will clean up my room =UWU=
NAdija shakes the junkyard guy.
Junkyard guy still sleepy: Hey why are you here?
Nadija: red pill or blue pill
JUnkyard guy: well duh blue
Nadija shoves pill down throat
Junkyard guy: well what does the blue pill do?
Nadija: it kills you
Junkyard guy gasps: But blue is my lucky colour
Junkyard guy: what does the red one do?
Nadija: It also kills you.
Junkyard guy: i never could put my clothes on myself without the help of my parents wahhhhhhhh
Scene changes to the junkyard in the morning.
James: Did he let us use it
Nadija: Oh yes.
James sighs: did you kill him?
Nadija: oh no no no yes no maybe yes.
Patrick: See? I told you not to let him carry on the mission.
Bob: w-will I get hurt during the p-process.
James climbing into the car crusher: No
Car crusher noise.
Car crusher slams into williams head William: doy
Nadija: oh well at least we have front row seats to his death.
Scene changes to inside the ambulance
James: Hey Bob, are you okay?
Bob: yes.
Rips off cords on his body
PAtrick: What are you doing?
Bob: Duh getting out of here. Hospitals are super expensive.
Bob opens the ambulance door.
Bob: sayonara
Bob jumps out of the ambulance.
Cars run over bob and crush him
James: ………
Back at the James residence.
James: We can never break this phone.
PAtrick: Well there is one thing to do.
Scene changes to a nuclear reactor.
James: Okay everybody put on your epic hazmat suits that we stole no ‘borrowed’ from the military that can survive a fallout.
Patrick: Bob put on your hazmat suit.
Bob: NO I DON'T WANT TO MUMMY
Patrick points to bob and rolls his eyes: he has significant brain damage
NAdija throws the phone inside the reactor.
Reactor does a tiny explosion.
Bob: oh well at least this can't get any wor-
Patrick: do-not-finish-that-sentence.
Bob: -se
PAtrick grabs a frying pan and smacks him with it.
Bob's body falls onto the floor
Scene changes to patrick's house
James: ugh we can't do this.
Patrick: I know what we can do!
James: what?
Scene changes to airport
PTA: will everyone going to russia please board qantas 303?
Bob: Well, that's us.
All board qantas.
Stewardess: please may I have your tickets?
James: Yeah, sure.
(james gives ticket)
Patrick: she's taken the bait
Stewardess: HEY these tickets are for the cocomelon express! And they are overdue! Get back here!
Nadija laughing: hahahah I cant believe that dumb stewardess took those tickets.
James laughing: yeah I know.
All take seat in first class
Letters show up on screen 1 day and 2 hours later.
Bob: Welcome to moscow.
Nadija: I don't understand, how can a cow be mossy?
JAmes: I ... .don't know.
Soon they arrive at the museum.
Bob: okay where is that epic spaceship with that laser that can open up a pack of cheez its because I don't have the strength
All heads turn to bob
James slaps Bob in the face.
Bob: ouchies!!!
Patrick so this is the plane.
NAdija: yup
Bob: It looks like a cookie.
James: For the last time it is biscuit you idiot sandwich that will drop out of high school.
Bob: sowwy
All climb into the ship.
Nadija in mario voice: letso go!
Bob: ummmm uh ummmm uh umm uh umm uh ummm uh
NAdija: WHAT!!!!
Bob in baby voice: i can't find the start up button uwu
James: THERE IS A BUTTON THAT SAYS START UP BUTTON TO YOUR LEFT YOU DAFT CHICKEN WING!!!!!!!
Bob: sowwy
Patrick presses the button
Spaceship flies out the museum
Scene changes to space.
Patrick: whoa
Nadija: do the calculations bobby boy.
Bob: OK
(bob does calculations)
JAmes puts the phone in space.
PAtrick: FIRE
Space zap thing beams to uranus.
Uranus blows up.
All heads turn to bob.
All slap bob
JAmes disappointingly: set a course for australia.
Bob: OK
Going down to earth
Bob accidentally presses the eject button
Bob flies out, nobody notices.
Scene changes to the outside of patrick's house
Patrick: Where's bob?
Bob flies out of the sky and gets impaled by the cardboard box
Nadija: Is that possible?
Patrick: well in this universe, Yes
James: Well I guess I just have to live with the fact that this phone is indestructible.
Everyone including bob nods head
(james lightly taps the phone)
Phone completely falls apart.
Nadija: less said about it the better.
Patrick: agreed.
THE END! Shaa!
James: Rest in Peace Bobby!
Nadija dancing on the grave.
James: DAB PARTY!
Everyone starts dabbing.
Dab police show up.
Dab police 1: You are all under arrest by the national dab police!
